Dear Harper – Month 24

You used to not be able to say anything, and it wasn’t even that long ago. And now, here you are, applauding when Mama successfully pees on the toilet. Because I guess we all need encouragement.

Lately, when I get home from work, you’ve been greeting me at the door with, “Hello! Keys! Mütze (hat)! Gok (which is not a German word, rather your made-up word for hot chocolate)!” And then, while I’m making the hot chocolate: Gok! See! Harper! You have completely wowed us with your skyrocketing vocabulary and with your ability to understand the links between things – and, above all, your using these things to get your way. If I’m in the bathtub, you’ll inevitably come in and say: “Out! Wet! Towel?” Then you’ll hand me a towel in order to speed things up so I’ll have more time to read books to you, sing you songs or watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” a million times in a row. Or, if I’m taking a shower, you’ll also come in every 30 seconds for updates: “Done? Done. Done?”

One thing that every parent knows about (probably) but always forgets (at least I do) is a talking toddler’s ability to repeat stuff. Like when mommy says “fuck!” after discovering a parking place much closer to the destination than where we parked. And when parents forget things like that, they are rewarded to a small voice repeating “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” ad nauseam . Something else I had heard about is how little kids can be a mirror of your own less-than-stellar behavior. And while I would like to think that I am capable of behaving myself around you most of the time, there is one member of our family who drives me ape-shit crazy, and that is Lilly. But only when we’re trying to get ready to go somewhere. As soon as someone puts on a real pair of pants (as opposed to, for example, Daddy’s pair of pajama pants with Mountain Dew logos all over), she starts to howl and whine. She’ll follow us around to let us know her discomfort, and if we ignore it, she’ll go from whining to barking, which, as I mentioned, drives me ape-shit crazy. So I’ve been known to tell her to shut up! Right now!

And I have now stopped doing that and have moved on to suffering in silence, because now every time Lilly does that, you’ll say, “Schak ka!” And, well, it’s obvious what you’re trying to say. So, me being the mother here, will say, “No, Harper, we don’t say that. It’s not nice.” To which you’ll grin and say, “Mama.” Which means I have to concede, “Yes, Mama did say that, but it’s not nice.”

“Mama. Schak ka!”

Some of your other slick moves that have us astounded is your ability to remember people’s names and the things they played with you. You know that Roy and Silke brought you the boat with the fisherman and that poor poached whale (I’m just assuming here; I mean, he fits perfectly inside), that Han (Jan) and Dean (Nadine) made cookies with you and that Anton likes to cook. You recognize my colleague Mike on pictures (even though it’s been months since you’ve seen him), as well as your cousin Hope. And, of course, GG and Mom. Oh, and your beloved Russell … or, as you call him, Mussell.

Daddy has been trying to introduce you to the finer things in life, such as beer commercials from the late 1990s. I have to admit, I think it was inadvertent on his part, but one day while looking for a parrot to show you on You Tube, he came across a parody of a Budweiser commercial. The way he tells it, the parrot he found was saying, “Wazzup?” And one thing led to another, and now whenever you’re on your little play phone, you’ll yell, “Wazzup?”It’s funny … kind of like making jokes about “Alf” or something. OK, so that’s not a reference you’re bound to understand. But I will say that it seems like it has a slightly higher entertainment factor than teaching toddlers to say, “You got it, dude” in the style of Michelle Tanner from “Full House.” (I am looking at you, Mussell).

Since Dec. 1, or thereabouts, you have become increasingly obsessed with “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” which you call Mutch. You particularly like the singing, which you imitate with, “Mamoo mamoo welcome.” And I guess you can identify with little Cindy-Lou Who, who was no more than two. When you see her, you’ll say, “Why? Why?” All I can say is that I am glad that you don’t know what “why” means. Yet.

And since it wouldn’t be a letter to you without a boob mention, I will say that you are still nursing. But just once before bed, and probably not any longer than 10 minutes. It, unfortunately, doesn’t put you to sleep anymore (Achtung, achtung, Harper: They are empty!). Actually getting you to sleep takes a lot of snuggling, singing and tolerating hard plastic toys in your bed. You have what seems like a whole army of babies, plus this anatomy torso who is missing half of his skin (on purpose) and most of his inner organs (on accident). You named your newest doll Weiss (white); he’s a little Asian-looking boy, and is indeed very white compared to the other doll of the same make, who is black.

You are very helpful around the house, and if you spill something or draw with your chalk all over the end table, you do a great job of cleaning up yourself. And, while you’re eating, you’re always careful to make sure your hands stay clean; if not, you rub them together and ask for a napkin by saying, “Putzi putzi.” Putzi is something your Daddy says, I guess. It comes from the word “putzen,” which means to clean.

And I shouldn’t forget to mention that you are very loving, always giving hugs and kisses. And we, your humbled parents, are more than happy to receive them.

Love,

Mama

This month’s nicknames: Baby Bear, Gummy, Gum Gum, Blubber Bear

This month’s song: Welcome Christmas from How the Grinch Stole Christmas