Fake!

I recently started doing something I swore I would never do: I started writing in a German parenting forum. I had been reading in said forum for a few years, so I knew the characters and their weird problems relatively well, which was exactly why I said I would never participate myself.

Then we got the laptop, and I was feeling all crazy and haphazard, so I logged myself on. Joined in on a few conversations. Was almost immediately suspected of being fake. Am now under suspicion of being the one user from northern Germany whose son looked like a 40-year-old truck driver from the day of his birth. This user – known as Strawberry Mommy – recently deleted her account, after instigating a juicy drama involving another user, whom she accused of child abuse. Strawberry Mommy even went so far as to threaten to call child protective services. This and many other dramas were the order of the day, and it made for great reading on Björn’s cell phone while Harper engaged in one of her many pre-bed nurse-a-thons.

So. For some reason, a few of these bored and dowdy housewives have begun to question who I am, and it has become alarmingly clear to me how lynch mobs can start. Especially when you’re dealing with the kind of people who seem to get their main contact to other humans (or those who don’t shit in their pants on a daily basis) through the internet.

So, I’m out again. Mainly because I couldn’t believe how pissed off it made me. Seriously. It appeared that I was developing feelings for the internet! Women who have no idea who I am, questioning who I am? How dare they? So, the moral of the story is – besides the obvious of not getting involved in online parenting forums – that if a group of people exists who believe that I am a fake person … what does that make you? Are you fake by proxy?

And now I have to go wash my eyes and read Proust to make up for all that intellect sinning.