I should’ve known that the advent of talking would also usher in the ages-old era of fibbing. Your biggest one yet was brought on by your father’s and my own stupidity, in that we let you run around (once again) without diapers. Poo me once, shame on you. Poo me twice, shame on me.
On this second occasion of diaperlessness with disasterous results, I heard you yell, “Poop! Lilly! Misthund! (which can roughly be translated into “crap dog,” something your father called Lilly the last time she pooped in the apartment)!” We grown-ups around here sped to the scene, only to find your lower extremities covered in poop. And some of the floor. We quickly got the sneaking suspicion that maybe it wasn’t Lilly who crapped on the floor, but rather you, our little pride and joy. After we attended to you, we went back to clean up the floor … except that most of it was gone.
Misthund, indeed. If we had know about Lilly’s affinity for toddler feces before, we sure could’ve saved a lot on diapers.
Other little lies you like to tell include stories about the presence of bees in your diaper (and sometimes shoes) and the fact that your daddy eats crayons. Although that last one can neither be denied nor confirmed. But I wouldn’t put it past him.
Your love for your baby dolls has been well-documented, but this month you’ve taken your affection to new heights. Every single baby you own has a name, usually the name of the person who gave it to you (or, in the cases of Hope and Roy, the people they resemble. As for Uschi, we’re not sure why you call her that. Maybe you named her after our doctor#s wife.). My favorite names are Weiss (white, your naked Asian doll) and his sister Black (who is, well, you know). The names are so clever, I can’t help but think that you are a genius. Some of the babies sleep in bed with you, some get carried around in your baby Ergo Carrier, others get to take baths with you. Sometimes you’ll give them a ride on your shoulders or soothe them with the all-too-well-known “Sssshhhhhhhh! Shhhhhhhh!”
But let’s move on to the biggest event this month, perhaps even the biggest event since you took your first steps: Your last time at the boob bar was on Dec. 30. How very awesome is that? On New Year’s Eve, you were too busy dancing to “Purple Rain” to remember to ask for your beloved doodie doo. So on the evening of Jan. 1, I figured it was now or never. And I actually hesitated for a moment, which surprised me. I suppose I wasn’t really ready to let go, but then I thought that if that was the only thing keeping me from weaning you, then it was definitely time. Since I knew that you would remember to ask for doodie doo, I had to come up with a way to keep you away from the boob without causing a major meltdown (I am a world-renowned buterheart, and I knew that if you were to cry, then that would be the end of the weaning). So I put Band-Aids over my nipples and hoped to take advantage of your own butterheart. And it worked; the only disadvantage was that you asked to look at the “bannads” for at least two weeks, which meant I kept having to put new ones on. Sometimes you’ll ask for doodie doo, but now all I have to say is that they are empty – I am now, thankfully, Band-Aid free.
(Right now you are playing with Play-Doh and have just announced that you are making a scarf out it it.)
You are developing excellent taste in music, which makes our lives much more livable, especially when you demand to hear the same song over and over and over …. and over again in the car. Your all-time favorite is Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall, and it is all we are allowed to listen to in the car. You make this known by saying “I see! I see!” and sometimes the last words of the refrain “much to me.” Your other favorites include Purple Rain (“Purple Main!”), Rain King by Counting Crows (“Anam!” Not sure why that’s why you call it), and most recently Do Re Mi (“A deer!”).
(You have now pressed the Play-Doh onto your head as a hat. You look very proud; you’re going to love it when I have to pull that dried stuff out of your Nick Nolte hair.)
Your love of Purple Rain probably comes from your love of the color purple. You are able to name all of the basic colors (except now purple things aren’t just purple, rather they are all called “purple main.” Kind of reminds me of the beginner English student I had one who thought, honest to God, that the word for “people” in English was “village people.”), and we have been told that this certifies you as highly intelligent. By one friend of ours … and her mother. So there.
You also like to say “bless you“when anyone sneezes or coughs, both of which you refer to as “burp.” You are now know to tell us the second your drop a load in your diaper and, unfortunately not a minute before. You are also the first to let everyone know if someone within earshot farted. I suppose that will come in handy when your father and I are deaf and are spending our golden years farting without realizing it. Oh, and you sometimes say things like, “Hahahahaha! Laugh!” Or “fun!” Or, my personal favorite, “Silly Harper.”
Our pantry has now become your shower (“showa”), where you will hang out and pretend to wash your hair. Or you will pretend that you are buying onions (“unny”) or that you are on your way to see your great grandma, GG.
Have I mentioned before how you go to the park everyday with Daddy to feed the geese (or, as you call them “Dance,” which is your way of saying the German word for them, Gans)? If asked what geese say, you quickly reply, “Haaaaaaaaaaarrrrpeeer! Haaaaaaaarrrrpeeer!” And those geese really do recognize you and they know that you have little hands full of bread and that if they’re lucky, you’ll share some of it with them before you eat it all.
I could go on and on. You are so much fun, not at all tantrum-y or otherwise like many other two year olds. And you share! Even your gummy bears! It makes accepting the fact that you still don’t sleep through the night a lot easier. Especially when you give us kisses in the morning if you wake up before us.
Love,
Mama
This month’s nicknames: These don’t seem to be changing much anymore. The true favorites are Gum Gum, Gummy, Gummy Bear, Baby Bear and Harpie
Harper’s Hit of the Month: Rain King by Counting Crows
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