I'm looking for something loose and billowy...

Well, folks, all this wild gestation has finally caught up with me. At this month's appointment, my gynocologist kindly informed me that I should "slow down" this my weight gain. Unfortunately, when she came into her office, I was sitting there, eating an apple. If my life were a sitcom, I would've said, "Sorry, I couldn't hear you. I was chewing." Roll laugh track.

Things are not out of control, but apparently I'm on the road to hip-butt-thigh ruin. I've already gained 11 kilograms, and I still have a few weeks to go. I was hoping that 15 would be the limit, but then I thought, "Why set the bar so low?" I can't say that I've been spending time sitting on the kitchen floor, eating Nutella out of the jar with my entire hand, but I have found it hard to move more than absolutely necessary during pregnancy. And I have such a deep affection for all things gummi. Luckily, my husband and friends have reassured me that I am not the tub I think I am, and all expressed surprise that the doctor said I was getting too fat too fast. Either they said it out of honesty, or out of fear that I would eat their faces if they said anything to the contrary. Björn has already promised to provide me with a rag on a stick and a drinking bird so I can work from home.