Oh, well, screw it. We'll do this instead...

Baby S. weighs about 2.5 pounds now, or 1.2 kilograms for you metric system fans (I know you're out there...), so here's a round-up of things that weigh as much as the kid-in-progress:

1 package of Diatomaceous Earth — a non-toxic, safe substance made up from fossils of freshwater organisms and crushed to a fine powder. Is apparently "an excellent natural topical dusting powder for animals with fleas, ticks, lice and other external pests."

1 Jamon Serrano Boneless Center Piece (Versatile Ham by Redondo Iglesias ... because I like my ham to not only serve as food, but to also be able to peform a little vaudeville if need be).

1 unfortunate-looking "petite purse maltese puppy."




The amount of cocaine confiscated during a drug bust in Salt Lake City last March. They also recovered a gun (but since we've already done guns, let me refer you here.).




1 package of Smokie Beef Stick Spicy Pieces. Good jerky gone bad.

1 bucket of mixed nuts, also described as "a bucket of fun for everyone."



1 jug of Maximuscle Cyclone Strawberry Dietary Supplement. I just drink it for the taste. Kind of like reading Playboy for the articles...

And so on and so forth.