Lisa: Lois Sandborn.
Bart (pointing to self): Steve Bennett
I feel like all of the funniness and creativity I once had is leaking out of me through my boobs, but I will take this extra-long nap of Harper's to regale you with another installment of ... well, this.
I went on a walk with Harper yesterday through the park where I once would jog, lithe and lightfooted. Well, to be honest, I (like most women) always considered my body to be flawed in some way, but now looking back, I'm all like "Damn! I used to be able to move faster than this! Crazy." And I was never really lithe nor lightfooted. If there were a way to use to word plod as an adjective, then that would be more fitting. Ploddy, I was.
As it's winter here, it's cold. Like well-below-freezing cold. But Mommy might end up sculpting circus tents out of her mashed potatoes if she doesn't get off the couch once in a while, so Harper gets bundled up within an inch of her life and off we go. And everytime I'm out with her, I inevitably get stopped by well-meaning old ladies (or, since the weather here is fitting, geezers in freezers) who act all interested in seeing the sweet, sweet baby in the carriage. But what they really want is to see if the kid is dressed warmly enough. And then they want to ask what her name is and then they want to know how to spell this exotic moniker as if I come from an African country whose native languge consists of a series of tongue clicks. And then they want to know if that's really a girl's name. Really? And then I'm all like, damn, maybe Harper was the wrong name for this country.
Now I'm starting to worry that she'll get picked on in school or that the kids will call her Harper Herpes or something. Not that I don't love her name, and we did pick it with the best intentions. But I've started to notice that while all the Americans love her name, the Germans are usually all like, "Come again?"
I also failed to mention why we chose a middle name that started with "O." First off, Ophelia is just a kick-ass name, and my own personal shout out to the Indigo Girls and Shakespeare (although I can't remember if the Ophelia from Hamlet is really someone to name a kid after. Should've spent more time paying attention in AP English my senior year instead of writing dirty limericks with my friends.). And her initals are H.O.S., like Hoss, as in, "Back off, Hoss." I don't know; I thought it was kind of cool. But then again, my body was overloaded with water and hormones. Kind of like now, only replace water with milk and hormones with chocolate and gummy bears.
5 comments:
Ha. Samaire's initials are purposefully "SAS" - and, while I now hae grown immune to the old ladies in my neighborhood more than once they have told me I have dressed Maire inappropriately, or that I shouldn't be taking her out so little, or that it looks like some thing's wrong with "x" ... ah, well meaning souls, I guess. SO hang in there. You'll start to come up with pointedly pithy comments for them that sound polite and yet are tinted with just the right amount of "shut the hell up."
And as for the name, never would there be a perfect one. (Maire will have people mispronouncing hers and misspelling it forever) but this I'm convinced of - they will love their names. Someday, when they're old enough to know they're moms and dads took such care to find one that had meaning ...
These are the speeches I give myself, anyway. Welcome to the club, my friend!
Are there really so many old ladies lying in wait around the world, ready to tell you what you've done wrong with your babies on a daily basis? Really? Wait, I guess that I'm not surprised. These are the same people who would, without invitation, quiz me about when I planned to have children, then- when I admitted that I didn't think that I wanted to have children- would raise their eyebrows and patronizingly say "Oh, you'll want them someday, as if only a monster wouldn't. Yes, surely these are the same women.
Not having children, I imagine that my opinion carries less weight, but I think that Harper is a kick ass name and that its uniqueness will only garner her extra cool status at school. (Does 'Harper' actually sound like the German word for herpes?)
And you live in the land of the world's best (and only one's worth eating, in my opinion)gummy bears, so you are almost obligated to make them a staple of your diet. Long live Haribo!
Misty, I see you and I are indeed kindred spirits... In my pregnancy fog, I was also thinking that the dude from Dukes of Hazzard was named Boss Hoss. But I realized later that it's Hogg, not Hoss. Whatever. Björn also said that the old ladies should be ignored, and while I was waiting my entire pregnancy for a chance to be snarky, I can't bring myself to do it to these old ladies. Surely I will master the art of subtle fuck offs soon enough. Or I'll just teach Harper to start flipping people off as soon as she gains control over her hands.
Kristin, sorry, but you are a monster! Oh, I kid. You should tell people that you've got lots of kids, but they're all with their various baby daddies all over the States and South America. Except for Hugo, of course, whom you keep chained in the attic with a bucket of fish heads.
The old ladies haven't been too annoying yet, probably because it's too cold for most of them to venture out. Wait until spring, though! Hooo wee.
Boss Hoss=HA!
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