Today could be your birthday, if you wanted it to be. And there are many advantages to be had to being born today, preferably right now, under this desk if you like. Go ahead; I'll wait.
.......
OK, well, did you know that the Coca-Cola Christmas Truck is coming right here to Frankfurt today? According to Wikipedia, where your mother unfortunately gets a lot of her information, on this day in 942 (back when years only had three numbers instead of four), William I of Normandy was assassinated, and in 1718, Great Britain declared war on Spain. Think of all the swank parties where you could use that as an icebreaker. Also, if you were to be born today, you would share a birthday with such pillars of history as Dave Madden of Partridge Family fame; Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao; and beloved American actress and porn star Jaimee Foxworth. What's a porn star, you ask, and why does she have so many vowels in her name? Never you mind.
Also, this is the 352nd day in this leap year. Most of which I've spent carting your ass around. But nevermind. But think about this before you decide to continue your one-woman reenactment of the Waco standoff: The longer you wait, the higher the chances will be that you get your birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. Or, even worse, you'll only get one gift for both occasions. Or you'll get Barbie's head and torso for your birthday and her limbs for Christmas. I'm not saying that your father and I would do that. But I'm also not saying that I wouldn't instruct your relatives to do so.
Think about it, kid.
3 comments:
Perhaps you should call in Janet Reno... tho I'm not sure you want Baby S. removed if it ends with your crotch on fire... tho, maybe you do at this point.
Crotch, smrotch. I don't care anymore. What good's a crotch when you've got 8 pounds of kid pressing on it from the inside?
I say bring on the charcoal starter!
Oh my dear god. I'm actually laughing out loud.
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